University of Washington juniors Mariah Gentry and Kyle Bartlow have just invented what they think is the next "in" thing for any of us over the training bra age. Gentry and Bartlow have noticed that women hate taking their purses to nightly entertainment places so they have designed what they call JoeyBra, which is not named after Joey Fatone from the band 'N Synch.
The bra is actually named after baby kangaroos called Joeys who seek refuge in their mum's pouches for safety much like they hope your cell phone will be safe next to your mammary.
According to their website they express what we women have known for a very long time. “From our own personal experience, we know that women hate taking purses to dances, bars or dance clubs. Leaving these items at home can pose a safety risk, but with JoeyBra women will never have to worry losing or damaging their valuables again."
I wondered if they had thought about cell phone tragedies from sweating or heavy petting and rest assured they have. The gals are now busy working on a sports version of the JoeyBra which supposedly has a waterproof pocket for those energetic moments that I no longer have.
I have been putting my valuables in my sports bras for years. Keys, Tracfone, credit cards all enclosed in a nice pink Roledex wallet which fits nicely on the left hand side of the black Lycra Wal-Mart special. I guess I put them there because I am worried about theft- but the main reason I do is because I can no longer remember where I put things.
To heck with the JoeyBra; why can't someone invent something so we can find what we lose. Do they not know those key whistler things do not work if they are hidden under a couch cushion?
I worry I might be getting Alzheimer’s and then someone explained the difference to me. Not finding my keys - that was one thing, but if I did not know what a key was, then that was an issue. This morning I sat down and wrote what I needed at the store, on the top of my hand. I have long rid myself of hand written notes as I can’t find those either, unless I stick them in my sports bra. Cash register receipts, keys and credit cards also store quite nicely inside that spandex athletic bra.
One day down in the subway, I pulled my disposable Tracfone out and stared at it. The back looked quite odd and I couldn’t figure it out. Suddenly part of my phone was handed to me by a woman who realized I had no idea what was going on. Of course; the back plastic cover had fallen off!
I thanked her and told her how much I appreciated it and how forgetful I was sometimes. She told me not to worry because she was exactly the same. Her cell phone had broken one day and when she took it back to the Verizon store she had literally begged them to replace it with the same model. They told her that her phone was outdated, no longer available and end of story, much to her horror.
She finally received a new phone and told me she sat there for days trying to figure it out. Only when a neighbor loaned the frustrated woman her high school aged son to help her was she finally able to use it. She longed for the days of being able to buy something with only one sheet of instructions. I laughed and told her these days you needed a PhD to operate a food processor. She smiled and said,
"I do have a PhD, and I still can’t figure anything out without calling a 1-800 number to India."
She continued sharing stories and told me not to worry, as we are not alone in this world of memory loss. It is simply because we have too many details to remember now. Between the passwords and Facebook upgrades, our mind has instantly created a lot of interior heavy fog banks.
Suddenly I had a panic attack and realized I could not find my address book. Of course, I had put it in my sports bra an hour ago. Note to self: Must replace bra soon, as the elastic is wearing out due to content overload.
Maybe I should buy a JoeyBra, but I just don't think there would be enough room and I would probably spend half my time looking for the darn bra and drive myself crazy once again.
Linda Seccaspina for Zoomers Canada.
Half of this is from the real news article and the other half is from my book "Menopausal Woman of the Corn"
It's all reality folks..:)